Peter Slattery

Dr Ramon Lewis of the University of Ballarat has some interesting things to say about the differences between boys and girls and how thy they cope with the difficult ’stuff ‘ of life. He says that:

Research with young people has shown that boys and girls use some coping strategies more than others.

Preferred coping styles of adolescent males and females

BOYS MORE LIKELY                                          GIRLS MORE LIKELY
   THAN GIRLS TO:                                                     THAN BOYS TO:

use humour or jokes                                                talk to others about it seek
                                                                                           social support

use physical recreation                                          set out to solve their problems
eg sports, games

deny anything is wrong                                              be fatalistic – think they
                                                                                            can do nothing about it

be aggressive eg hit out                                                           work hard

ignore the problem                                                           use tension reduction
                                                                                                    eg cry

manage by themselves                                                                     worry

act out                                                                                          blame themselves

abuse substances eg. alcohol                                               seek spiritual support
                                                                                                          eg pray

use distraction                                                                         seek others’ approval

entilate emotions                                                                    engage in wishful thinking

Interesting stuff. What do you think?

Big oops …big sorry! The Animoto vid that I posted before christmas turned out to be the ad for the Animoto site. Sorry bout that! As much as I like A’moto…I had intended to post something a bit more personal and meaningful about the camp…so here is the whole post again….

THE CAMP….around 50 people of all ages…doing amazing things…I learnt that I am no longer 18 years old…still limping…but kinda worth it. Young men bouncing off a mini trampoline about 3 metres plus into the air…raising issues they wanted to discuss and doing so with skills and integrity that would sort out most conflicts across the world…paint ball…oh dear…people being splattered…great short films being made…good discussions…some tension here and there…normal stuff…and generosity of spirit, braveness of endeavour, laughing good humour and a totally wonderful thing to be part of. Let’s do it again some time…

From the prolific Wes Fryer. 3rd Dec. On the differences between cooperation and collaboration.

‘Cooperation is when everyone is doing the same thing, we are using everyone’s work. Example: everyone is working on the same task together.
Collaborating is using our own strengths and gifts, like when people build a house together and are doing different things while working towards the same larger goal.’
________________________________________________________________________________
From the Sunday Herald 7th Dec 08, a headline:

HOW TO LOOK AFTER YOUR GRANDCHILDREN

And I thought: Always good to know about how to look after kids, and guess what? It was a guide to money investment. Silly old me; I just don’t understand childcare do I?
_______________________________________________________________________________

From the wonderful Terry Pratchett (et al in this case), in ‘The Globe’. 2003, P 23

‘A spell is a story about what a person wants to happen, and magic is what turns stories into reality.’
_______________________________________________________________________________

From ABC Radio ‘Life Matters’ 11th December 2008. A comment made by a (delightful) teenager about lying to his parents:

‘It’s easier to get forgiveness than permission.’

Lots of young people are hurting themselves and others through their use of alcohol. Yes we know this. And so our government has decided to have a series of ‘hard-hitting’ ads aimed at young people and drinking. The minister said something along the lines that young people think they are bullet-proof and they need to know they are not. The ads, from what I can see so far, seem to show the violence and agro and all the unpleasant stuff that goes with nasty drinking. And this is supposed to turn young people off getting drunk is it? I really don’t get it. Okay so let’s add up what we know:
1. Young people don’t actually think they are bullet-proof. But they do have strong young bodies which can take a hell of a pasting and bounce back. And they are full of hormones, and their and hearts and minds are full of desires, impulses and a yearning to explore, experiment and push hard.
2. The research around brain development is now pretty clear. The part of the brain that says: ‘Whoa slow down…maybe this is dangerous’ isn’t fully developed until around 25 years old.
3. We used to have clear ways for young people to grow up which helped them go through the transition gradually. In traditional societies this growing up process was marked by rituals of initiation, and changed expectations, and possibly some guidance. And these addressed the brain development issue, even though we didn’t know about it at the time. In more modern times these rituals have been things like the first full-time job, a 21st party, or getting married. I am not advocating we all run out and get married to those we have lived with for years, but I am saying that there has been an erosion of the markers of growing up and young people are both unsure as to how to grow up and when they are grown up.
4. Added to this, at least in Australia, we have this peculiar combination of getting to leave school, go legally into a pub, and get a driver’s license all at about the same time. A strange piece of social organisation.
5. And then we have a society which is awash with alcohol, and alcohol being actively associated with all that is enjoyable in our society including our cherished sports.
6. Now I quite like living in Australia in 2008 but I suspect we have a got a couple of things wrong. You recall the old marching call that goes: ‘What do we want?’ And the old response is: ‘Instant gratification!’ The cry continues: ‘When do we want it?’ And…you know the rest. We have created a society where credit is better than saving up for something, where a job for a couple of years is a long term event. Fast and furious is the way of the day…

Enter alcohol. Made for the moment really.

I suppose we could rethink the way our society works, which might be contributing to the nasty drinking behaviour which might just be an outer response to inner needs and confusions. But sorting out our society and root causes is kind of a big task isn’t it?

Maybe we could look specifically at how alcohol is promoted and advertised; we could look at where it is consumed, how it is consumed, and when it is consumed. And of course, who is consuming. But this is kind of a tough option too.

So what we have come up with is to leave all this alone and try and change the way young people behave. And the way that is chosen, a series of commercials, is one which research suggests is counterproductive. That is, showing the ‘worst’ outcomes of drinking…which is supposed to deter our young people from dangerous drinking. And yet young people video punch-ups and put them up on YouTube. And getting drunk is what many young people try to do on weekends, as cheaply and quickly as possible. Whether I approve or not is kind of irrelevant. And yes there are those who don’t get drunk. And yes many of those who do, are still decent kids. But there seems little sense to these ads. Who are they aimed at? Those unlikely to get drunk anyway? So if we are aiming at those young people who see getting drunk as a good thing to do, and if we are aiming at those who see getting drunk and fighting as good things to do (rites of passage?), why on earth do we expect that ads showing the very behaviours which are actively sought and admired, is going to encourage them to act any better?

No, I just don’t get it.

I am still waitng to find out if these ads are successful or not. These are the ads that suggest that young men doing crazy things in cars have small penises. We see someone do a burn out and we show the small finger indicating the puny penis.

All some variation on male genital humour I suppose.

The guy in the picture below though got angry when a woman made this sign to him and abused her…and ended up in court. So maybe a bit of a backfire.

I am a big fan of humour especially when it comes to elephants in the room and sacred cows, but I’m not sure about this one

I have been quick to put something up here as Amy (below) tells me that although I claim her as a favourite person there is no pic of her on my website…there is now Amy!

And so we went bush again with the Beyond Empathy mob…hip hop, circus, indigenous dance, film-making, percussion…and oh dear…paint ball…

and it was amazing as on other occasions.

Not always easy…but easy is easy. The tougher moments are the test and the negotiations and discussions were truly remarkable. I would vote for you for Prime Minister Danny…an 18 (19?) year old young man who raised with everyone something that he thought was important and with no expecatation that his preferred option would be taken up, was fair, assertive and articulate. Fantastic stuff…I will post more about this week as it was terrific. Just thought I better get Amy up here fast!

I recently went to a seminar on ‘Masculinities and crime’. And the speakers talked about the way certain attitudes and behaviours are linked to gender, become in certain ways ‘masculinized.’ Michael Flood was one speaker and Kerry Carrington the other. Kerry spoke about the difference between monologic and dialogic aspects of masculinity, the former being somewhat closed, rigid, controlling and aggressive, the latter more open, fluid, discussive, democratic and friendly. As always I have provided the links here so check out for yourself what they more fully have to say. An important topic.

This is a bit of a development from the last thing I put up. The camp where most of us were young-ish…and some of us somewhat older. And good things happened:

And as our 5 day camp together came to a close I asked a question of a bunch of people of various ages ranging across 35 years. This is what I asked: What is the best thing in the world? And this is what they said:
Life
Music
Friends
Children
Life
Music
People
Life
Love
My daughters

So…how would you answer the question? What do you think is the best thing in the world?

This is the stuff that always worries me. The article in a widely read daily newspaper is called ‘Heaven and Hell’ and is about ‘Ice’, the crystalline form of methamphetamine. And I will assume the best of the journalist, that they were trying, in the course of doing what journalists do – which is to write articles – to be responsible in alerting us to the dangers of something in our society.

Yet I worry. One person talking of their use of ice said: ‘…you were instantly much, much higher. It’s hard to describe.’

The article goes on to say that a couple who had used found ‘…there was no hangover, no crash, no anxious-depressive speed comedown. It was the best of all worlds.’

The article also has a section which looked at the downside and this was called ‘The chilling facts.’
Chronic depression
Agitation
Severe paranoia
Proneness to acts of violence
The acceleration of apoptosis, or natural cell death…which…can result in…premature ageing.

So are we scaring people here, or just making them thoughtful? Would someone reading this reconsider using this or other drugs? What stands out for people as they read? Do we say to ourselves, as most of us do who get into cars, that (with considerable evidence to support our belief by the way) we will make it home safely?

I continue to worry about WARNINGS. Yes, we need to know what could await us if we do…X. And yes, we really do need information…and yet still people enter into relationships knowing that there is something like a 40% chance of that relationship ending up on the rocks. We continue in the hope that we will be happy, that our hearts will not be broken. That tragedy will befall us. That we are in the other group, the 60% who are make it. Or we tell ourselves that the risk is worth it.

Here is a footballer…with just a little damage…..

Concussion
Chipped tooth
Separation of joint in shoulder
Cracked ribs
Torn pectoral muscle
Externally rotated hip
Abdominal hernia
Shattered bone in finger
Snapped bone in finger
Cracked thumb
Bruised femur and tibia
Torn ligament
Hamstring sprains
Sprains
Bone erosion in ankle
Bone spurs in ankle

If we told him when he was younger that this would happen to him would he have continued? Well what do you think? I suppose we could point out this example to young players and they would ….do what? Stop playing? Or would they say to themselves…’it won’t happen to me.’ Or will they say: ‘It might happen…but it’s worth it!’

We really do need to be thoughtful about what we think might be useful.

So in June we went and did it again. The Beyond Empathy camp in Northern New South Wales. Many of the old crew, and some new crew. Around 50 or so of us, mostly yungins but some of us older ones to add something we hope. And we did a bunch of stuff. And the animoto video here gives you a pretty good idea of what that all was.

And if you can’t make that work for some reason or if you just prefer pics that don’t move about…here are some stills.

A very good experience of people working together, getting on, finding differences, finding the common ground…eating, talking, laughing, pushing boundaries a tad…all in all … a good thing.