Peter Slattery

This is a new page, check back for practical ideas for working with individuals, families and communities. Every so often I will put up an idea or something practical that you can use. If you come across anything that you think you would like to contribute please email me. I will happily acknowledge you as the source -

IMPORTANT. BE AWARE…
…that sometimes questions which seem really innocent and simple can elicit very big responses, both in those with whom you might use these activities and in yourself if you decide to respond to them before using them. (And this is always a good idea!). So use them tactfully and with timing. Fun and playfulness are always welcome of course.
Pete.

I have listed here the titles of each of the activities to give you some idea what they are about so you can find more quickly the one you want. Of course all activities can be re-jigged to fit any topic and circumstance and to fit individuals, couples, families or groups. If you want to ask about any of these activities, just send me an email.

LIST OF TOPICS

1. TOPIC: LISTENING – DEEPLY
2. TOPIC: SELF-TALK
3. TOPIC: IMPORTANT MOMENTS
4. TOPIC: LIFE REVIEW
5. TOPIC: RELATIONSHIPS
6. TOPIC: USE OF THEATRE IDEAS
7. TOPIC: WHAT’S IMPORTANT IN LIFE
8. TOPIC: COMMUNICATION IN RELATIONSHIPS
9. TOPIC: INFLUENCES IN LIFE
10. TOPIC: RELATIONSHIPS
11. TOPIC: HOW WE ARE SEEN, HOW WE SEE OTHERS
12. TOPIC: YOUR BEST
13. TOPIC: TWO EMOTIONS ONLY
14. TOPIC: THREE IDEAS
15. TOPIC: WHERE DO YOU WANT TO BE?

15.TOPIC. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO BE?
This is a playful way of starting to ask ourselves just what we need in our lives right now.

Here are two places, equally interesting possibly and equally unusual possibly. One is a disused lighthouse on a fairly windswept and deserted coastline. No mod cons but liveable.

The other is a run-down disused farmhouse…nearest neighbours 5 ks. No phone, but running water and electricity.

If you had to choose between them as a place to spend some time at this point right now in your life…which would you choose? (and no, you are not allowed to say: ‘neither’)…and…why have you chosen what you have?

14. TOPIC. THREE IDEAS

Running through The Treaty of Waitangi of Aoteroa came up are three key ideas in relation to the indigenous peoples of that country:

• Participation
• Partnership
• Protection

You might ask yourself how these ideas are acted out:

In your most intimate relationships?

In your family, however you define it?

In any group/workplace/organisation that you are part of?

13. TOPIC: MOTIVATION (or SOURCE)

This is an idea that has been around for a long time and can be seen as trite and simplistic or profound and useable. Up to you. It’s this: Our actions are driven by one of two emotions, love or fear? When you act, ask yourself, from which of these two am I acting?
 

12. TOPIC: YOU AT YOUR BEST
‘A reflection’

This activity can be done individually, with a friend or partner, or as a group activity.

Think of a moment…when some terrific part of you emerged, was in action, was experienced by you and by others:

what brought it out?

how often do you get to see this part of you?

how often do others get to see it?

is it as present in your life as you would like it to be?

what can you do to keep it present, or more present?

11. TOPIC: HOW WE ARE SEEN, HOW WE SEE OTHERS
Enjoying the ‘Passing Parade’

This activity can be done in a car, walking along the street, sitting in a park…anywhere where you might be able to observe people. The activity asks you to notice people in the world around you and to make a guess as to how that person is. The activity aims to be done playfully and respectfully, bearing in mind that you are observing and noting things about other human beings.

Notice someone…and ask yourself, or compare your impressions with the person you are with:

• Is this person happy?
• Is this person confident?
• Is this person content with who they are?

Ask also.. why do I think what I think?

Ask of yourself (and partner): What do I look like when:

• I am happy?
• I am feeling confident?
• I am content with myself?

And ask of yourself (and your partner with you):

• What would people most notice about me when I am happy? Confident? Content?
• Is this what I would most like people to notice?
• How would I generally like to be seen in the world?
• How do I want people to behave towards me?

Purpose
To explore how we ‘read’ the world around us; how we think the world ‘reads’ us, and how we would like to be seen by others.

10. TOPIC: RELATIONSHIPS
Back to back

This activity also appears in a post a little while ago, and I have decided that whenever I put up an activity in a post, I will, at some point, present it here also. This is because on my kinda blogy page things will get lost as more posts are added. So to preserve the activity, I will add it here also. But I will change each one in some way so there is not just repetition, and also to hopefully show that one activity is never just one activity. It can be changed indefinitely to make it endlessly useful. So…here is:

BACK TO BACK
Two people stand back to back. They imagine a time six months from now when they bump into each other in the street. On the count of 1,2, 3…they turn and freeze in a ‘photo’ of that moment.

Secondly, the pair is asked to imagine that there was some minor and unresolved tension between them when they last met. Repeat the action…1,2, 3…and note the differences.

A third and final ‘photo’. Each person is to decide, in this mini piece of theatre, whether they would like to try and sort out the tension; and to show this in the final photo.

Purpose
To explore non-verbal communication and look at what each of us ‘projects’, and to start to look at how we can decide quite deliberately what we project into the world.

OR…from the very beginning of this activity…
One person recognises the other, while the ‘other’ has no idea at all who they are seeing.
OR
They each recognise the other, but not really sure just where from…
OR
One person remembers the other, and has really fond memories…while the ‘other’ actually gets the person mixed up with someone who they have had a really horrendous fight…

Instructions to the actors:
Each of the above instructions can be given loudly so that all members of the group hear them, or they can be done quietly to the ‘actors’ only. Either way, this activity is usually fun and entertaining.

9. TOPIC: INFLUENCES IN LIFE
Three circles of influence

A groupwork activity. (This activity appears in a different form on my post page, but as those posts just get added to, individual activities can get lost. And this one is useful and appears here as a variation on what appears elsewhere.)

A person sits in a chair. They are themselves, at least a bit, certainly a person a bit like who they are. (This makes it real, limits the need for ‘acting’, and gives the person something to present as they simply sit). The person is about to be exposed to: THE MANY INFLUENCES OF THE WORLD….

CAUTION
This activity does tend to replicate a sense of ‘voices in the mind’. So be careful and mindful about how you use it. It does not aim to replicate what people might experience when they hear voices, as in what is commonly called a ‘psychotic episode’. It aims to represent the voices to which we are all constantly exposed.

Ask people to be the various voices outlined below.

Voice 1 represents the larger world and all that it says to all of us
Voice 2 represents all the messages of the world that are constantly directed specifically to people of the age, sex, gender, culture, sexuality…of the person in the chair…
Voice 3 represents a third and closer circle of friends and family, who may well send positive and/or negative messages to this person.

We hear from each voice one at a time. Then collectively…

Voice 4 enters and represents what we shall call: ‘an ITEM you highly desire.’ This item may be real or imagined, legal or illegal. The ITEM introduces itself to the person in the chair and tells them just what it can offer them.

Voices 5 and 6 place themselves either side of the person. These are the competing internal voices; one saying ‘yeah go on. Take it!’. The other voice counsels caution: ‘This is dangerous.’

And so it goes for a moment or two…and then we hear all voices speak simultaneously with the expected impact. After a moment of what is likely to be a noisy, possibly disturbing, probably chaotic sound barrage, we ask the person what they are likely to do at this point. And why.

Purpose
To highlight the influences people are exposed to and to introduce the idea of inner and outer worlds and how they might intersect, and just what this means for the choices we make.

8. TOPIC: COMMUNICATION IN RELATIONSHIPS
The ‘talking-to-your-partner’ itemised feedback check-list

This is possibly a homework activity. Could be a group activity or possibly an activity for couples therapy. Only do this activity when your sense of humour, sense of irony, and sense of playfulness is FULLY engaged.

The idea is to make comments to your partner over a period of time, not too long, perhaps a weekend. The comments are to fall into one of these categories:
- A complaint or criticism
- A helpful suggestion
- A ‘for your information’
- A comment
- An observation

You may tell your partner beforehand what is coming, or you just decide which category it is and keep it to yourself and then see if your partner agrees.

COMMENT: This activity can lead to increased intimacy and a great deal of laughter. Or to divorce.

7. TOPIC: WHAT’S IMPORTANT IN LIFE
Some life questions to ponder
- What brings you joy?
- What lifts you up?
- When do you feel wonderful?
- What inspires you?
- What makes your spirit soar?
- Who do you admire?
- What is unforgettable?
- What, for you, has been a splendid moment?
- What do you think the next splendid moment might look like?

6. TOPIC: USE OF THEATRE IDEAS
Theatre principles… from a therapist’s perspective

Theatre has a lot to offer not just in terms of entertaining us and informing us and enlightening us and provoking us. It offers numerous profound ideas that therapy and education might borrow very productively from. There are just three that I will mention here:

What is my motivation?
Each character in a piece of theatre must ask themselves: ‘What is my motivation?’ Or put differently: ‘what is it that I want in this scene?’

This is a powerful dynamic in people’s lives.
- What do I want from this relationship?
- What would I like my partner/daughter/son/parent to actually do at this moment?
- What is my reason for doing what I am doing right now?

Advance the action
A character in a drama will ‘advance the action’ by doing something to help them get what they want. Clearly this has relevance for ourselves at all moments in our lives and equally useful in working with people in discussion of their lives.
- What is your next step?
- How will you take it?
- Do you need any help in this?

Keep the action on stage
The idea of ‘keeping the action on stage’ I find a really interesting one. And powerful. There may be action ‘off stage’ but the actors need to keep the interest and action in the ‘here and now.’

If a person thinks of their life as being outside of their control, driven by their own cravings, needs or desires, or by the expectations, demands or insults of others, then there is great value in bringing a conversation and focus right back to the here and now and the questions of:
- What can I do now?
- What do I want to do about…?’
- How do I find out my direction?
- How can I start to take charge in spite of all the influences in my life, both inside and outside me?

5. TOPIC: RELATIONSHIPS

It might be advisable to do the following activity at a time when you feel like exploring the relationships in your life, or do it at a time when you can simply read through it without doing the activity itself. Activities like this one, as simple as they are, can sometimes be surprising in what feelings they can elicit within us. So be aware of this.

Take a pen and paper…and take a moment…and now…put a word or sign of some sort on the paper to represent you. Your name would do fine!

Think of the people in your life…and as they come to mind represent them in some way on the paper around ‘you’…in no particular order, nor in terms of closeness or importance…just note them down in some way in words or in symbols or pictures…

Now for each of those relationships, write just one or two words next to them that describe that relationship…what characterises it, what defines it…

Now take a few moments to simply look back over what you have recorded, and ask yourself…for each of these relationships…
…is this the way I want it to be?
…what do I need to do to maintain it?
…or what do I need to do to nurture it more?
Or possibly…what do I need to restore it?

4. TOPIC: LIFE REVIEW
Checking on ‘life stuff’…using rating scales

Rating scales are a favourite strategy of mine. The following are totally appropriate within an individual chat or in a group with people jotting their answers on sheets…or…depending on the group, by standing on an imaginary line on the ground to represent their answers.

Using the scale below, give a rating for each of the following, where 1 is ‘Some change needed’…through to 10 which is ‘Just the way I want it to be’?

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

- Your work (Or school)?
- The fun part of your life?
- Working hard when you need to?
- Relaxing when you need to?
- Backing your own judgement?
- Paying attention to the ‘advice’ of others?
- Enjoying your own company?
- Enjoying the company of others?

3. TOPIC: IMPORTANT MOMENTS

Think of a time when something happened, something that was quite wonderful…and draw something to represent that moment. Do this fairly quickly. And what you draw is unimportant, what you are representing – that’s important. And now, with words, symbols or pictures, answer these questions for yourself.

1. Firstly, what was it that made this moment so wonderful………………….?
2. And secondly, what was your part in this moment? Was it active? Did you do something to create this moment? Or did it just happen?
3. Are you expecting more wonderful moments?
4. Are you doing anything to make them happen? Or just waiting?
5. And whatever your last response was, is this okay with you?

2. TOPIC: SELF-TALK
Stop, breathe, imagine…

There have been endless strategies over the years about ‘positive thinking’ and the like, and about sports people ‘psyching’ themselves up. And some of this stuff has been useful and some less so. This simple activity asks you to use self-talk, the voice in your head, the thought-voice… to do three things.

1. Stop! No more complicated than this. When you find thoughts in your head that you do not want there, say to yourself: ‘Stop!’. And don’t take no for an answer.
2. Breathe and focus on your breathing…the in…the out…don’t be concerned with clearing your mind or not clearing your mind…just focus on your breathing…the in…the out…and that’s it. Nothing simpler…sort of.
3. Imagine. We know that when we listen to music we love, we get certain brain activity. We now also know that when we just imagine listening to our favourite music, we get similar brain activity. So put the words, the pictures, the sounds, that you want. that you enjoy, that life you up…into your mind.
So…here it is….
STOP BREATH IMAGINE
Is it all as simple as this? Well of course not. And yet this really can still be helpful.

1. TOPIC: LISTENING – DEEPLY

Two people. One simply talks for 2 minutes while the other listens. Then the listener does either or both of two things:
1. They let the person know what they heard and with feedback, find out how well they listened.
2. A more compelling and more difficult thing is this. The listener takes a moment to tell the other person not so much what they heard, but what they think they now might know about the speaker. What they are interested in, what they care about, the sorts of qualities and characteristics they possess….
WARNING
The second is much more complicated and risky for the obvious reasons. Also often much more useful.