Hello, gidday and kia ora…welcome to my website.

It’s about life. The challenges, the ups and downs, the tuff stuff and the inspirations. Just life really.

(You will need Adobe flash player for any of the vid type things below. Click here to download it).

So welcome… I hope there is something here of interest and use to you. And do let me know if you would like something added. Cheers. Pete

So in June we went and did it again. The Beyond Empathy camp in Northern New South Wales. Many of the old crew, and some new crew. Around 50 or so of us, mostly yungins but some of us older ones to add something we hope. And we did a bunch of stuff. And the animoto video here gives you a pretty good idea of what that all was.

And if you can’t make that work for some reason or if you just prefer pics that don’t move about…here are some stills.

A very good experience of people working together, getting on, finding differences, finding the common ground…eating, talking, laughing, pushing boundaries a tad…all in all … a good thing.

I bet you thought you knew what was important? And you’d be right. Body hair! This newspaper article tells us so. Whether guy or doll, bloke or sheila, male or female, excess body hair is something you do not want.

And you can wax, or you can IPL (this is not canned fruit ha! ha! ha!); it is as you know, ‘intense pulsed light’. This starts at around $70 and a full body job is about $300. A bargain. Then there is threading which is of course rolling a cotton thread over what the article describes as ‘rebellious brows’ and a bunch of hairs is then ripped out. And we have of course the more familiar depilatory creams which seem at least to be painless. Sometimes there are just too many things to get excited about aren’t there.

And what’s just fabulous about this of course is that it used to be only women who were worried about such things. But with equal opportunity exploitation men can now line up for a new piece of superficiality to be concerned about. Oh lucky lucky.

So I’m listening to dear old radio national (The show is ‘Life Matters’ May 19th 2008) and I hear Martin Seligman and others talking about teaching Happiness (I added the capital H. It was radio after all) at a fairly flash school in Victoria. And the discussion scrolled through whether it was a good idea, whether most schools could afford the millions Geelong Grammar is spending on this, (the answer is ‘no’), whether there were down-sides, the place of parents in the whole process…a lota stuff. And Michael Carr-Gregg (well know psychologist) was saying that he was seeing kids with ‘spiritual anorexia’ and who were filling the void with ‘rampant aflluenza’ and adoration of silly popular figures. (Cannot bear to repeat who was mentioned)….

And, possibly the week before all this I was reading Ruth Ritchie in The Sun Herald on 7-8 June who was saying: ‘We live in a time when contests are not won but lost. The focus is not on the winner but on the fear and humiliation that surrounds loss, abandonment, betrayal and eviction.’

She was of course, talking about the many and various ‘reality’ TV shows where ‘…the winners are so rarely qualified or to be admired for being anything other than the last limpets hanging on to the rock in a tsunami.’

And I think she has a point. She described these processes of elimination as ‘…heartily endorsed, institutionalized bullying.’ And this is all kind of sad really. It seems that depending on the show, people have the chance to be yelled at by a chef, sacked by a rich guy or snarled at by ‘upper class ladies.’ I’m sure there are more shows but gee it’s hard to keep up. So given that we have this awful stuff going on, and let me not make too light of it, I do think it’s awful, maybe the idea of teaching happiness is not a bad idea after all.

And it seems (back to the radio show) that those who are happy tend to be more altruistic, so the idea isn’t about being selfish. They seem to volunteer more, do more stuff for others. So the happiness idea seems to be about being personally strong, about being connected and about doing something meaningful in life. And so yes, all ideas can be turned into something silly (we’re good at that aren’t we for some reason?) or turned into something which exists in name only and is devoid of its own intended meaning. But maybe doing something which isn’t a silly TV show (especially one based on being mean to others), but something which encourages us to be decent to others and ourselves…maybe that ain’t so stupid.

Stephen Post is (Professor of Bioethics & Family Medicine in the School of Medicine, Case Western Reserve University) and has established ‘The Institute for Unlimited Love’ which sounds very cool.

Stephen tells us that we gain health happiness and longevity when we contribute to those around us. He tells of a study which started with people in their teens which extended into their nineties. (Well only for some of course). Those who identified as having an altruistic approach to the world, had protection in terms of stuff like depression and anxiety, as well as physical stuff like cardiovascular diseases. This all sounds good and encouraging. And inspiring. And so here is a chance for you…when next you see me…be nice. It will be good for you. It really is encouraging isn’t it!

This is just so lovely that I had to add it. Ta Sam for sending it to me. I have read comments that the music is boring…I find it moving, inspiring and delightful. Somone also said that a younger person should have mixed it…though ya know being older maybe aint so bad…and interesting to see Missy Higgins and John Butler in the clip…they aint so old are they? And anyways of course…we all just have opinions. I like this vid.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7QV5cEDfYY

This is not the whole article but these quotes give you a pretty good idea what the point is. I thought it worth putting up on my website. Check out the whole thing here if you would like to.

Zero tolerance-based punishments such as suspension and expulsion, the task force found, have not improved behavior or academic performance. In addition, by shifting the locus of discipline from schools to the juvenile justice system, zero tolerance policies are causing numerous adverse consequences for students, families and communities.

Zero tolerance policies requiring suspension from school were found to be counterproductive on many levels: “School suspension in general appears to predict higher future rates of misbehavior and suspension among those students who are suspended.”

Schools with higher rates of school suspension and expulsion had less satisfactory school climate ratings and school governance structures, and tended to spend a disproportionate amount of time on discipline. In the long term, school suspension and expulsion were associated with a higher school-dropout rate and failure to graduate on time.

As to academic performance, the report saw “a negative relationship between the use of school suspension and expulsion and school-wide academic achievement.”
The report defines restorative justice (RJ) as “a theory of justice that emphasizes repairing the harm caused or revealed by criminal behavior.” RJ programs, the report states, “involve a cooperative process that 1) identifies crime and attempts to repair its damage, 2) includes all stakeholders to respond to acts of violence and 3) changes the traditional relationship between the offenders and the victims.” In contrast to zero tolerance policies, RJ is “designed to reconcile the perpetrators with the victims, creating a feeling of resolution and increasing a sense of safety.”

“Restorative justice programs attempt to re-establish positive relationships with adults and ‘teach’ understanding and empathy to those who have been violent,” the report commented, adding, “Restorative and community justice programs in the school setting prioritize activities that try to reduce delinquency and find solutions to delinquent behavior and build a community capacity to respond to problem behavior without resorting to the criminal justice system and to create a safe and supportive learning environment that effectively expresses the values of the culture.” The report concluded, “Emerging data suggest that restorative justice programs may represent a promising alternative to zero tolerance.”

Thought I would put something up here about the resilience stuff as it continues to attract a great deal of attention. That’s good as it’s an important idea. The fear I have is the overuse problem. We use the word so much it gets sucked of its meaning. This has happened to the word ‘empowerment’. People being in charge of themselves really is important, but we can’t hand out empowerment like we had a bucket of it to distribute. And I have literally seen someone answer their mobile in the middle of a conversation about respect! They used the word but somehow missed the idea!

So for what it’s worth…let me throw in some comments about resilience…and its connection to other popular ideas.

Optimism

Optimism is about seeing the best, having realistic and positive views of self and the world, hoping for the best and working towards it.

A strengths approach

A strengths-focus in working with people means just that. Looking to people’s triumphs, abilities, qualities and strengths as a way of approaching life. And of dealing with the difficult stuff…including the less-wonderful aspects of ourselves. It is a realistic and optimistic approach to people.

Resilience

’The process of growing strong as a person…and being able to bounce back from the hard times of life.’
 It is an ongoing process rather than something that you ‘get’ and have forever
 The most resilient person will have ups and downs, good days and bad days. There are lots of ideas about resilience.

Let me offer you my list of ingredients for resilience. I have been drawn to these, because each of them I have seen stand out as a real dynamic over and over again in both research and in the experience of my work. And secondly, this framework is useable. It can be translated into do-able actions.

The seven elements of resilience

 Meaning
People need to have a sense of purpose, a sense that what we do and who we are actually matters
 Meaningful relationships
Being connected to other people in mutually fulfilling, supportive and uplifting ways seems to be good for us. Some of us are more in contact with others, some of us less so. Some people learn to be comfortably alone while others are just lonely. So there are variations. Having said this, for most us, relationships really matter
 Participation
Being actively involved in what happens around us, rather than being passive recipients of whatever we are offered, is good for us. It creates a sense of involvement and interest in our own lives and those of others
 Personal power
Having some sense of control, some power, influence in our lives builds within us a confidence and ability to tackle life’s hardships and challenges
 A strong sense of self
This is much more than self esteem. It is a deep sense of worth, of belonging, of having a clear place and purpose, a sense of agency or personal influence, a sense of being in charge of our own lives
 Other’s positive expectations
We are likely to flourish when others expect the best of us. (The reverse is also true). These expectations need to be positive, high and realistic. We tend to do well when others focus on what we can do rather than what we can’t; on our qualities rather than our shortcomings
 Hope
We need a sense that we can get through something; a belief, a faith that ‘things can be better’, that ‘life will be okay’, that ‘I will prevail.’

And of course, these are just words until we bring them to life in the actions we take.

Resilience The shorter version

 Identity
 Sense of belonging
 Relationships
 Sense of being in charge of own life.

And here is another take on this. It is what children say matters to them.
(From a study by the NSW Commission for Children and Young People and Uni of Western Sydney)

 Agency
 Security
 Positive sense of self.

Collectively these ideas can establish a framework to guide how we work with individuals, families and communities…noticing and helping strengthen the elements of resilience, working with the strengths of those we work with and noticing movement, change, growth…and having faith that it will continue.

Everyone wants kids to be safe. No-one wants them to be hurt, and everyone wants them to lead meaningful active, happy lives. Drug education, whether information-based or skills-based seeks to do this. Yet I have to say that a lot of what I see seems at best useless and at worst harmful. And after 30 years of working with young people, and reading widely through research, some of which supports my views, and some of which challenges my own views, I find it difficult to support ideas which talk about ‘Drug free societies’, ‘Immunizing our children against drug use’, ‘Zero tolerance’ and various other ideas which can sound attractive but can, I think, be counter-productive. I am not arguing an individual right to take drugs, nor any aspect of the ‘I can do what I like to my body as long as I am not hurting anyone else’ argument, I am simply saying that in the (now here IS a value-ridden view) alcohol-soaked, advertising-steeped consumerist world in which we live, occupied by significant numbers of disgruntled and disengaged people, I think we can, if we are not careful, create interest in drugs AND activity where there was none before.

I heard something on the radio recently that kind of worried me…a show about methamphetamines….and I wrote in a comment to the station about it because I think it was a little dangerous. I will not name the show nor the station because I am a fan of both, but on this occasion I think they got it wrong.

This is what I gleaned from that show:
• Methamphetamines are widely used today because they ‘…intensify your awareness…’, ‘…bring you into a partying society…’ and’…seem to fit the current trend.’
• Making these drugs is cheap and easy
• Making these drugs is very profitable. (The figure quoted was $100,000.00 for a night’s work)
• If you want to obtain the legal ingredients from a pharmacist who seems reluctant to supply them, then just act ‘menacing’ because pharmacists will then supply you, because they have a fall-back position of making a ‘safety sale’.

Drug educators have long been wary of the danger of certain forms of drug education in schools because they run the risk of generating interest where there was none. This show had all the ingredients of an advertisement not only for the drug, but for Its manufacture.

I can make something attractive by its presentation or merely just talking about it. The following poster has been around Sydney for some time.

The caption says:’This is the drug that scares other drug users.’ Some of the young people I work with would respond to this with: ‘Bring it on!’ But maybe that’s just the ‘collateral damage.’

I sometimes hear people say: ‘If this saves just one life then it’s worth it.’ Let’s turn this around. If it costs just one life is it worth it? Kids on the outer of our society tend to smoke cigarettes a lot more than ‘mainstream’ kids. Not all of them smoke but a lot do! (And interestingly, there are many smokers amongst those who work with them.) Maybe that’s the price for making smoking socially unacceptable. But somehow it doesn’t seem right.

Okay so if we don’t do all that, what do we do with young people in places like schools? If I may hope and assume for a moment that whatever is presented is done so in an interesting and engaging way, then the following might be part of such an approach:

WITH A FOCUS ON MEANING IN LIFE (and Hope)
• What do you just love doing in life?
• What could you NOT live without?
• What do you care most about?
• What is the most amazingly wonderful thing that has ever happened to you?
• What is the most amazingly wonderful thing that you have ever done?
• What are you doing to keep your life, or make your life, the way you want it?

WITH A FOCUS ON RELATIONSHIPS
(Done carefully and while being mindful that not everyone has perfect relationships)
• Where do you turn for laughter?
• For support?
• For challenge?
• Where do you look for inspiration?
• What do you most look for in a friendships?
• In a really close relationship?
• When do you feel closest to others?
• If you were having a hard time of life…what would you want from others? (Your friends? Family? Anyone at all who noticed your hard time?)
• What would you do if someone you knew was having a hard time?

AND IF WE REALLY WANT TO REFER TO SUBSTANCES
• If you needed information about….do you know where you would get it?
• If you realised a friend was getting into trouble with substance use…what would you do?
• What would you do if someone you cared about just started having a hard time of life?
• What would you want if you started having a hard time of life?
• What would you do if a friend of yours (having taken ’something’ at a party) went unconscious?
• What would you want people to do if you went unconscious?
• Would you call an ambulance for someone?
• Would you want an ambulance called for you?

WITH A FOCUS ON BEING IN CHARGE OF YOURSELF (also hope)
• How does the world seem to you?
• What does the future hold?
• What would you like the future to be?
• What sort of future are you working towards?
• What have you contributed to your own life recently?
• To the lives of others?

Things like this, I think might just help.

If this website is about people and our lives…then here is something that blew me away. My source, as it often is, is ABC Radio. In this case Hindsight March 18th 2008
about an amazing woman Mrs Mac, 1892-1982.

There are lots of parts to her story whch are just wonderful…Australia’s first woman radio telegraphist (1924); the only woman member of the Wireless Institute of Australia; founded and directed the Women’s Emergency Signalling Corps…which led to the Women’s Royal Australian Naval Service. Okay they are facts and as impressive as they are…check this out…she wants to become an Electrical Engineer so she goes to Sydney Technical College to enrol and is told she has to be working in the field to enrol. (Catch 22 had not been written then!) So she prints cards with her name on it saying she does electrical work, checks the newspapers and finds a place at the end of the transport lines where they need electrical work done and it’s too far for most people. She gets the work and then goes back to the Tech College and is accepted. Now how cool is that!

During the war she trains thousands of servicemen and trains the women to train the men. Something like 10,00n men and 3,000 women are trained in all.

She goes on doing this work for something like 10 years after the war.

She uses music as part of her teaching…morse code goes dada dadit..sing ‘to hell with it’ to get the rhythm.

She does it all for free!

And then to leave one more things behind her, as she gets older she says: ‘To keep one’s courage and faith to the end, is the chief goal of life.’

What a great woman.